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Why do we fall in love?

by Clubgr
love

The experience of ‘not being understood’ is a disturbing but, at the same time, exhilarating experience as it makes us feel truly unique in the world

It is often said that love belongs, by its nature, to the sphere of the unspeakable since the other, with whom one falls in love – as Aldo Carotenuto says – is ” atopos ” that is unclassifiable , elusive to understanding, knowledge and investigation. that they would like to be comprehensive and exhaustive.

They can only provide pseudo-rational explanations and therefore far from the reasons of the soul and heart .

Love, eluding all sorts of rationality, does not allow itself to be reduced, exhausted or trivialized . Therefore, many times, it can be an experience that makes you feel strangely lonely , since that harmony with other human beings and the surrounding world is lost.

The experience of “not being understood” is a disturbing experience but, at the same time, exciting because it makes us feel truly unique in the world , individuals whose uniqueness can only be understood by the loved one: the only one who matters at that moment.

Here love is characterized by its perturbing qualities : it reminds us of something never learned with knowledge and cognition, yet capable of evoking intense, vivid and precise psychosomatic sensations (believed by now forgotten) right in front of the person who like, in front of ” that face, the sound of those words, of those gestures, of that attitude” .

What is the genesis of all this? How does it happen that one way of being of the other becomes important?

The answers can be many but the one I like most is the one that claims that we human beings are kidnapped by something else that, even without knowing it and completely unconsciously, struck us in the same way as when, as very small, we came reassured by a particular gesture of affection, love, tenderness and sweetness on the part of those who took care of us.

One could then argue, stating that the search for love is nothing more than an illusion of rewriting one’s history , one’s past ties , one’s parental conflicts , a share of reciprocal, unconscious self- deception that facilitates the attraction and idealization of object of love .

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Freud might answer that this is the case since “in falling in love we do not see the other for what he really is but for how he responds to the phantasmatic expectations that precede him”. However, it is the Austrian psychoanalyst himself who emphasizes that mature love – or rather object love – does not consist only in the repetition of early models and relationships but also in adult Escorts Athens and healthy aspects in which the ability to recognize and accept both the other, in all its diversity and entirety, but above all oneself with their own shadows and lights .

This type of relationship thus becomes an instrument of deep knowledge , capable of bringing us closer to our most authentic feelings: whether they are the most positive, whether they are the most angular to support and elaborate (perverse aspects, indifference, betrayal, jealousy, etc.). It is in this type of relationship, Jung recalls, where our wickedness emerges and we experience to what extent we can be violent , we also discover what our strength, our light, can be, because if we are capable of doing one thing we are also capable of do its opposite.

It is this type of relationship that then allows the overcoming of the more earthly meaning of the coitum . Because if a sexual act is possible with many, love is only possible with one . Love, says Binswanger beautifully, always implies the name, “that name”, excluding others and every other.

The sexual act , the upheaval of oneself , then becomes a symbol for vizites , the most eloquent, of two beings who are in a common project , under the banner of ” we ” and of exchange, in which the boundaries between oneself and the other they fade into a territory of proximity and affinity, unbalancing, leaning out, risking falling, without evaluation, calculations and preventive guarantees in the direction of the other.

Desire , in the erotic field, then, develops only at the point in which the subject’s narcissism opens up, opening up to the encounter with the desired other, with his subjectivity and consequently with his own: the presupposition of the depth of enjoyment .

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